Friday, 8 August 2008


My condo unit is part of a triplex of single story homes. I have an end unit which means that I have more windows than those who live in middle units. But I have a neighbour who comes from a suburb of hell.

She is either crazy, or an out of control alcoholic, or just plain mean. Perhaps all three.

I have tried being nice to her, but this has not worked. She curses me out like a drunken Bishop when I have done something, or not done something – and displeased her. So I ignore her.

We share a driveway, and there is no dividing wall between her car port and mine.

Her car port is like a front garden in Knowle West (local reference for my brother Martyn in England), or like the surroundings in the worst kind of trailer park (American readers will get this reference).

Despite all the efforts of the Condominium Association, she refuses to “abide by the rules” and clean up her car port.

She recently received a letter from the Condominium Association Board asking her to get rid of the junk in her car port.

She immediately went to talk to our paid Office Manager, and screamed that “she would not be told what to do by the f—king faggots who ought to live in Glen Oaks Manor (our very gay friendly neighbouring community). Just one of our Board Members is gay.

One day last week as I returned home she was sitting in her car port a la Madame Defarge. She greeted me, but I was in no mood for conversation, so I simply grunted out loud.

“Oh” she said, “I get it”. I replied “yes I am one of those awful homosexuals who should be living in Glen Oaks Manor”.

Her retort made me splutter with laughter. “I didn’t”, she said, “say that they were awful”.

So now I know that I am a non-awful homosexual, but that I should still live in Glen Oaks Manor!

I pose you four questions.

1. Am I awful?
2. Am I a homosexual?
3. Should I be living in Glen Oaks Manor?
4. Is murder ever justifiable?

Please mail me your responses on the back of a $100 bill!


I am off to Fort Myers again tomorrow, so I'll not blog again until Sunday.

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