If you find me unconscious

............ please take me to Sarasota Memorial Hospital (SMH).

I checked in there yesterday morning for my endoscopy/colonoscopy procedure and was required to give an electronic “palm scan” which will be entered into their files.

As the admissions registrar explained “this means that if you are admitted to SMH in an unconscious state the hospital will be able to identify you by this palm scan”.

So ...... when and if I am found unconscious, (even during a sermon), just drop me off at S.M.H.   

The hospital records will reveal my identity to you.

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My good friends Ron and Char Thompson drove me to SMH at 7:10 this morning, for my medical “procedures”.  I am grateful

What they did not see were the cumbersome “paper work” (including the “palm print”) which preceded the medical treatments.

 I must have signed my “John Hancock” at least a dozen times; explained why I was in  the hospital a similar number of times; and spoken my name and date of birth to at least eight functionaries.

Of course I understand. Our United States un-health system is scared witless lest it be subject to a lawsuit arising from any or all pre or post surgical procedures. 

Therefore:

 I had the endoscopy/colonoscopy procedures, but had signed way any chance of redress should any of these procedures have gone wrong.

Nothing

went wrong, and  a very nice volunteer took me to the street in a wheel-chair (I had no choice in the matter). Ron and Charlotte were there to drive me home, bringing with them a banana – my first food in thirty nine and a half hours.

And

the surgeon removed 16 polyps (yet to be biopsied) ;uncovered non bleeding internal haemorrhoids (I am now supposed  to take a daily sitz bath);  and  reported that I have diverticulosis in my sigmond colon, and in my descending colon.

Wow!

As well as all that I have gastric mucosal abnormality in my stomach, and a hiatus hernia.

I didn’t realise that I was in such poor shape (tongue in cheek!).  

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(In fact these "abnormalities" ( diverticulosis, internal haemorrhoids, hiatus hernia)  are fairly normal for a person of my age).

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And I am blessed to have first class health insurance via the Church Pension Fund which pays the greatest proportion of the costs for this anticipatory medicine. Would to God that every person had access to such preventative testing.