Saturday, 24 May 2008

Moses and Jesus did not have a clue

Moses and Jesus did not live in a condominium complex. It was easy for them to say “love your neighbour as yourself”. It’s hard for me!

The single story condo. in which I live is part of a triplex. I am at one end, my good pal Dave Foster at the other.

In the middle is E.T. She and I share a drive way.

Her car port is filled with junk. Old food, trash, styrofoam coolers, overflowing ash trays, empty plastic bottles, a computer key board, etc etc - you name it - it is there.

I have nine pots filled with shrubs to shield me from the view.

She simply ignores every warning from the Condo. Association. She will not clear up.

She will sit outside for “ages” scrutinising every guest who arrives at my home. I think of her as Madame Defarge, sans knitting.

When she is mad at me, she is out of control. Once, when I asked her not to use my water hose without asking me first, she sat outside for hours.

She sat outside and she sang, in a loud voice, and for a long time

She sang “He is an ass-hole, he is a jerk. But I will never bow to him. I will never kiss his ass”.

She once angrily complained to me because “my leaves” had been blown to her side of the car-port.

I heard various noises during last night. I thought that they were caused by my cats - exploring.

I awoke too early today, at 3:45 a.m., and wandered outside for a cigarette. I jumped out of my skin when E.T. greeted me. She asked for a cigarette. I gave her three.

I walked two hours later. Still she sat outside. Then I gardened for an hour. Finally she told me of her plight. She had locked herself out of her home, and her spare house keys were locked in her car.

She had been outside for 10 hours. I asked how I could help.

Then came the tussle.

She said:

“No, I could not call the Police Department”.


“No, I could not call a locksmith“.

But she wanted me to lend her a Credit Card, so that she could add minutes to her mobile ‘phone. “Then” she explained, “she could call her car rescue service, who would come to unlock her car, wherein were her house keys”.

Given her history of instability, I was unwilling to do this.

But I hit upon an idea. I would go to a local drug store, and purchase a $10 “top up” card for her ‘phone.

She agreed to this, and also asked me to buy her some cigarettes. She gave me a long and confusing “stream of consciousness” statement as to which brand I should buy.

In due course I got the “top up” card, and the cigarettes. She reimbursed me with some cash she had in her pocket. A bit later she received the help she needed and re-entered her home.

Here’s the shame. I did not help her in order to “love my neighbour as myself”.

I helped to “get her off my back”.

Moses and Jesus did not have a clue on this one.

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