Classic insults, as reported by my New York (Staten Island) cousin Kippy.



A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

 
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill

 
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”  Clarence Darrow

 
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

 
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

 
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

 
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

 
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend … if you have one.” - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response.

 
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop

 

 
“I’ve just learned about his illness.  Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

 
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

 
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating

 
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand

 
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

 
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

 
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

 
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts … for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844 – 1912)

 
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

 
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx


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