Friday, 19 May 2017

Aloneness and loneliness are not the same.

A couple of years ago I wrote that I often feel sad at the end of the day, when the evening shadows fall.   A dear friend in Massachusetts (N.D.) said that she often feels that way.

I've begun to identify that feeling as being rooted in a sense of aloneness.

I sometimes feel very alone. 

Aloneness and loneliness are not the same.

 I have a circle of good friends here in SRQ.  I enjoy their company and they like mine.I am not lonely.

I have good brothers and sisters in England -  I love them all dearly, and three of them very closely. I am not lonely.

There are a few very good people at Church who are my well loved friends in Christ.  But I know that it's very possible to feel alone even in a busy Church.  In my Church most of us like each other, but we do not know each other very well.   We can be like ships crossing on a Sunday morning.  And of course many of us know that Church is rarely a place to share our fears and weaknesses.  We often put on our very best faces -  in my case as a gregarious, warm, friendly and often witty person.  That's all true and real, but it is not the whole truth, or the entire reality.

I sometimes think that I would feel less alone if I had another person living with me - a person whose breathing, snoring and farting noises would sustain me in the night hours.

It ain't necessarily so!  I know of many partnered people who feel very alone in what outsiders see as a loving and nurturing relationship.

I also know of so many people whose cherished relationships have ended precipitously by a death, or by a (perhaps unwanted and unexpected) divorce , or by a deeply betraying infidelity). They feel so alone

(I remember hearing my mother as she sobbed herself to sleep some six months after Dad's death. She had nine adoring children and many grandchildren, but that night she was very much alone).

Perhaps some regular and sustaining evening activity would help, I go to bed ridiculously early -  last night at 7:30 p.m.  But as I said to my sister Maureen the other week, I am not longing for activity -  I am longing for a friend, but....

Just another voice from whom I'd hear "good night John-Boy" . (My first and given name is John!)

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PLEASE NOTE This is not a cry for help or for advice. In fact such advice could be entirely unhelpful.

I am seeing a very good therapist who listens well to me.

But I post this in the belief that some of my readers know well of what I speak, and maybe will be heartened to know that others feel this way.





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