Thursday, 9 January 2014

Stuff you already know (or need to know)

1.  If you leave your home in good time for an appointment, every traffic light is green.

2. If you are running late, every traffic light is red.

3. It is only after you have wound up the electric cord and toted your vacuum cleaner back to its storage place that you notice the places you did not vacuum.

4.The use of directionals/blinkers on your car is not to be recommended. 

Should you use them it is more than likely that your tyres/tires will immediately deflate, your air bags deploy, and your chain drive disintegrate.  This is a well known fact in Florida.

5.  Should you take the risk of using directional/blinkers keep them on at all times in order to confuse the driver behind you. 

Alternatively you might signal right or left at an intersection, but then go straight ahead to annoy the driver behind you. This practice is  recommended by the Department of Motor Vehicles in Florida.

6. Your windows, mirrors and sliding glass doors cover themselves in dirt and smears five minutes before your guests arrive.  They do this in league with flat surfaces which recruit dust at the same time.

7.  I insist that these profound learnings (and nothing else)  be read in the eulogy at my burial service.

2 comments:

  1. I am glad you insisted rather than just "Indicated"

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  2. You could also add that when you're cleaning windows the smudge is always on the other side of the glass no matter which side of the window you stand on!

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