Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Tales and Tails

The Fellowship of Believers is a “non-denominational” Church near my home. It has a huge American flag outside, but no Cross.

It’s the Church of stupid signs. Last week the sign-board read: “Eternity is a long time”. I wanted to call and tell the Pastor that “eternity” is not “time”.

This week the sign reads: “Mother’s are the precious gift’s of God”. I called the Church Office about the two apostrophes. “Thank you” said the person who answered the ‘phone. “I’ll tell the guy who puts up those signs”.

(I suspect that she was thinking” “I’ll tell the guy who put’s up those sign’s” !)

I went to the local Wall-Mart last Saturday. The entrance doors bore computer generated signs which read: “The Stationary Department has been moved to the Arts and Crafts Department”.

That figures. A “stationary” department could hardly move itself.

Ben and I were out and about last week. We were driving west on Whitfield Road, approaching a slight rise of no more than 20 degrees to a height of about 20 feet. Manatee County officials have placed a new road sign there. It reads: “Caution. Hill obscures view”. True enough. We could not see the Rocky Mountains.

My earring slipped out Sunday night as I slept. I was too “cack-handed” to re-insert it, so on Monday morning I asked one of the ace volunteers at Res. House if she’d re-insert it for me.

She was glad to do so. As she did she said “Michael your hole is….”. Before she could finish that sentence we each collapsed in helpless laughter.

Adelaide is “all better”. I knew this to be so when at 3:30 a.m. I awoke to hear her playing “soccer” with her cat-nip laden ball.

I could not get back to sleep, so I went outdoors for a breath of fresh nicotine.

I saw a cat who looked remarkably like Adams. I called (using Adams’ old name of “Bubba”) and the cat paused, then skulked away.

I saw the same cat at 5:50 a.m. as I began my morning walk. I crouched down and “sweet-talked” him, but he would not come closer than 10’. Then he vanished into the morning twilight (is there another word for twilight in the morning?).

Later I discovered that he is an outdoor cat who belongs to my neighbours Carl and Mollie. Boo Hoo.

During a restless night I decided that “Abigail” was not the right name for my new cat.

( Oh, for goodness sake, don’t ask me “why?”)

I “hit upon” “Ada”. So Abigail is now Ada.

(I am on a mission to revive older names for females).

Adelaide has not been kind to Ada - subjecting her to a great deal of hissing and growling. So they are segregated for the while.

Ada has been hiding under a tall bookcase in my bedroom. She emerged today to eat and to use her litter box. She allowed me to pet her, and then retreated again to her safe place. )

She is fundamentally sweet, and the two felines will eventually achieve fidelity in friendship.

They each enjoy “human” canned tuna fish. This is not good according to the experts. So I will wean them off people food with a wee bit of “Science Diet” canned cat food, and more and more dry food.

(Later in the day Ada emerged again, ate some dried food (yeah!), and allowed me to pet her).

Two people asked why I have black cats. It’s nothing to do with the colour. I think that it’s because I like symmetry.


  1. When I got my black cat after moving here, my concern with the color was not inherent bad luck, it was the invisibility factor - unseen until stepped-on cat tails can be very exciting for all concerned. Black cats can be very hard to see even in good light sometimes! Houdini is a sweet fellow and so far his tail remains unscathed despite my getting-old eyes.

    When Adelaide has established herself as alpha-cat it should get a bit calmer for all. Nikita (my very solid and confident tabby female is alpha cat in this family. Houdini grooms her, she rarely grooms him.

  2. An apostrophe curmudgeon after my own heart! I am enjoying reading about the exploits of these grammar-lovers fixing their way across America: http://www.jeffdeck.com/teal/

    I hope it is Adams and he relents!

    I recently read a miracle cure for getting new cats to like/accept each other... can't remember it, though. I'll do some Internet digging and see if I can find it.

  3. When someone has presided over as many vestry meetings as you have, a little wrestling and ear-biting must seem quite familiar.