Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Who is Mary Gilligan? (and other nonsense).

NONSENSE 1

My desk chair (which I bought second hand a few years ago) has/had a cane seat. The cane started to split, causing some considerable discomfort to my bottom.

I stopped by our local Goodwill store this afternoon and found a decent wooden chair for the modest sum of $16.

Once at home I put on my flip-flops and took the old chair outside (trash day tomorrow). As I was taking the "new" chair out of my car I trod on a dog poopy-bag which I had left on the ground, rather than putting into my trash can.  The poopy-bag burst.  Eew!

Thank goodness for my garden hose with a high pressure setting.


NONSENSE 2

On Monday night I started to take off my glasses and put them in their usual overnight place. Only trouble was -   there were no glasses on my nose.

Where in the world were they?  Maybe I had left them on the table next to my reclining chair. They were not there.  I did a quick search but my glasses were nowhere to be found.

I delayed the search until Tuesday morning.  I hunted high and low.

Under my bed?  NO.  On every flat surface in my home?  NO. Under a pile of folded but not put away laundry, or  under a pile of papers waiting to be filed? NO.   Under my comfortable reclining chair? NO  (but I did discover a mess of  dog and cat hair which needed to be vacuumed away).

In the interests of "automatic"  absent mindedness I also checked the drawers in my kitchen and bathroom, the trash can, the fridge and the freezer.  NO

Then I did what any other reasonable person would do.  I prayed to St. Antony and to St. Jude - covering both bases 'cause I could not remember which Catholic saint took care of lost items.

I also prayed to God ( but took the prayer back immediately, on the basis that God is not in charge of lost property).

By 6:15 a.m. I was wearing an old pair of glasses, ready to take Penne for her early morning walk. 

We went outside and there they were.  My glasses were resting comfortably on the hood/bonnet of my car.

Evidently I had driven home on Monday night with my dog in the car, and then  took the glasses off on a humid evening ( all steamed up as they were), and then placed them on my car so that I could see well enough to re-enter my home with Penne.

That's my story and I am sticking to it.

NONSENSE 3 and Mary Gilligan.

I have a very modest retirement savings account which I set up through the (Episcopal) Church Pension Fund, and which is administered by the very reputable "Fidelity" Company.  It earns a small amount in interest (two and a half percent) each year,

When I reach the age of 70 1/2 ( this November)  the rules of the  IRS (Internal Revenue Service) state that I MUST take a minimum distribution each year based on their life expectancy tables, which suggest that I will live to be 97 years old (God forbid).

I decided that before I reach the splendid age of 70 1/2 I might well explore some other investment instruments which could possibly yield more than a measly two and a half percent.

This afternoon at the local Fidelity office I had a good consultation with their splendid local  employee  (a Croatian born man named Vanja)  (yes, we live in the global village). He gave me as much attention as he might give to a millionaire).

BUT THERE WAS A PROBLEM.

When he entered my Social Security Number into the data base it showed that it  belonged to a Mary Gilligan.

But when he contacted a  Church Pension Fund and Fidelity coordinator,  her data base indicated that my Social Security is mine alone, and does not belong to Mary Gilligan.

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I will not worry for the while. I do not believe that I am a victim of identity theft (but how can I be sure?)

In the meantime you may call me Michael  or even Mary.

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